Is the Green Eyed Monster in You Getting the Better of You? Here’s How you Can Curb Your Jealousy and Save Your Relationship!
Many therapists acknowledge jealousy as the major problem in patients seeking psychotherapy. It definitely makes sense to you as it is one of the most complex and all-consuming human emotions. It stems from frustration, envy, suspicion, and sadness, jealousy and makes you behave completely irrationally.
Experts often think that jealousy stems from insecurity. Most people though do not like to talk about insecurity, as it makes them feel inadequate. However, if you do not address the feeling of jealousy right at the onset, it will only make your relationship worse. Well, these are some of the strategies you can employ to nourish your relationship.
Find Out Whether Your Insecurities Are at Fault
Sometimes, jealousy stems from your own insecurities, and your partner may not have a role to play here. If you are secure as a person, the feelings of jealousy may not affect you as much. And if you can recognize the feeling of the green monster rearing its ugly head, learn to channelize it to make you feel better.
There is a different way of doing that, like indulging in various constructive activities, meditations and affirmations help in this regard. Try to change the negative thought into a positive one. Sometimes just exploring your real feeling with that of your partner helps. Instead of hiding your feelings with a smiling facade, let your partner know what is affecting you deep down. Once you start talking about it, acknowledging the feeling can often be the first step towards healing yourself from the negative feelings.
Your Friends May Provide Insight
Not talking about your problem, may be the number one reason you are unable to conquer your feelings. If you are unable to talk to your partner about what his/her success is making you feel. Talk to a friend or a third person you trust.
Friends are the only people in the world who can understand you deeply. So reach out to your friends, talk about your problems and ask for support. This will give you a different perspective on things. Sometimes just letting unruly thoughts rage inside you may prove to be your undoing. You need a third person to make yourself understand that. Your unreasonable self may not be apparent to you, but it may certainly be apparent to another person.
Honesty is the Best Relationship Policy
Angry, harmful, and toxic jealousy can creep into a relationship and you may let it, without realizing how much of it is affecting you or harming your relationship. It is time you used saw your relationship through honest lenses.
When did it start getting toxic? When did you start letting your jealousy create a wedge between the two of you? The questions may be difficult, to acknowledge. We often are not honest with ourselves as far as our relationship is concerned, hiding behind the too-good facade until it blows upon us. So, ask yourself these questions and answer them as truthfully as possible.
Calm Before the Storm
A word or more spoken in anger can rattle the very foundation of a relationship. Let anger not get the better of you. Calm yourself first, if you feel the stirrings of anger and jealousy inside you.
Sometimes even walking away from the situation may help. Anger is very often not the solution and we often realize it a bit too late. So, calm your mind and collect your thoughts before you reveal what you may be thinking.
You Are Better Than This
We are a sum of our parts. Just because you may be feeling jealous and angry does not mean it will overwhelm your better parts. Keep reminding yourself that you are more than this. As jealousy is a feeling stemming from inadequacy, remind yourself, that no matter what you are a good person and you can overcome these feelings.
If you do feel the faint stirrings of jealousy, try and acknowledge the feeling early on and let yourself understand, that this is not final and while sometimes your partner deserves the pedestal, sometimes it may be you who will take the pedestal, the power equation will change from time to time. If things get worse between the two of you, you can always seek the help of a counselor who may find out the root cause of your present state of mind. Don’t be too hard on yourself, when you feel the going is getting tough and too overwhelming for you to handle, remember there is help at hand.
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