Four Unexpected Ways Your Childhood Affects Your Relationship
Perhaps it has never crossed your mind as to how your childhood affects your relationship, but in some cases, maybe you’ve been aware of it for a long time. Strong bonds with our near and dear ones are what precisely keep us sensible and well-balanced as we grow up. We all aspire to feel safe, and as we try to get there, we end up with coping strategies that are not really helpful, especially when we are committed in adult relationships. Have you ever wondered why you do specific things you usually do? Well, it’s never too late. If you take a moment and ponder about how your childhood actually impacts your thoughts, words, and actions, and how that affects your relationship in return, you would be able to figure out how your childhood memories and experiences are actually affecting your relationship. Here’s how:
You Never Trust Your Partner Easily
We, adults, are more doubtful about trusting others than our younger counterparts. This distrust might stem from deep-rooted issues that we have encountered in the past. If your parents neglected you, abused you, abandoned you, and criticized you too often, there’s always a chance that you would develop a sense of uncertainty and insecurity as you grow up. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t love your parents or vice versa. But the acts of abusive parents often leave their kids insecure somewhere deep inside. It’s important for you to acknowledge the fact that that is how it has grown into a bigger sensitivity.
You Always Need Reassurance
We often forge an insecure bond with our babysitters or parents when we are young. Perhaps you were never given the reassurance by your parents that you can explore more, and it’s natural for you to make mistakes. If that is the case, you might grow up as a person with a deep sense of insecurity. In an adult relationship, you might find yourself a little too defensive, and this happens because you always feel insecure. Therefore, instead of giving your partner the chance to reassure you, you often end up pushing them away as you do not really know how to feel comforted. If this happens to you, you should start validating yourself in the way you actually desired during your childhood.
You Struggle To Get Intimate
You feel vulnerable when you expose yourself entirely. Intimacy is when your vulnerability is reciprocated by another person. This can be mental, physical, and even emotional. Levels of vulnerability are built on the basis of trust. If you can’t get intimate with your partner, it means that you had a tough time while growing up, and you could not open up while you were a kid. This affects our adult relations as we don’t allow ourselves to open up fully. We build and develop a self-defense mechanism just to protect our authenticity. Intimacy needs trust, and trust needs consistency. Make sure that you are letting only good people in your life, and when they finally enter a relationship with you, try to take note of how you feel about them. This would gradually level up your comfort and trust.
You Panic When You Feel That Your Partner Is Pulling Out
If you experience a sense of panic when you feel that your partner might be pulling out, know that this happens due to your attachment pattern. If your parents abandoned you when you were a kid, this feeling of abandonment can self-trigger when you are in an adult relationship. Your panic might not fare well in your relationship, especially if your partner doesn’t know how to handle it. Maybe they want to avoid conflicts or disagreements but find it too difficult to have an honest discussion with you. To prevent this, you should be aware of your trigger factors. You two might just de-escalate and come back to a middle ground when you are calm and prepared to talk. When your partner wants to take a break because of your constant panicking, allow them to do that as there’s no better way you can avoid conflicts with them.
If you need assistance, always consult a relationship counselor as these certified professionals perfectly know how to heal people who have had a troubled childhood.
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